Classical Music me

Classical music is amazing because you can come to hear one’s emotions in a new light. But funnily enough, I cannot describe it. But I guess that is precisely what makes classical music so beautiful, because I have come to understand and appreciate something I cannot describe.
What I have come to know about classical music is that you can never hear classical music, you can only listen to it. Forgive me for sounding so pretentious, I really do not mean to. I have come to truly believe this.
Curiously enough, what I have started to realize about classical music in particular is that the omission of words (or at least those that I can understand), coupled with such a magnificent collection of instruments allows me feel certain emotions that really cannot be described. Yet, again, it makes so much sense to me when I listen to it. It almost feels as if certain songs understand who I am, and in that regard, I cannot get enough of it. I think it largely has to do with the fact that, sometimes, we feel certain ways, and even if we tried to describe why we are feeling certain ways, we just can’t. We can’t because emotions are triggered by a whole host of triggers, both conscious and subconscious, and the result is that we just feel certain ways. I have been reading up on a little psychology and came across an interesting idea. It is the theory of ‘compensation’ proposed by Alfred Adler where our adult personalities are shaped directly by what we have lacked when we were little, thus the name. Almost like process of making up for what we lacked, we exhibit certain traits like greed and other insecurities that trigger certain behaviours. When I took a moment to take some time out and tried to understand myself, applying what I had just learnt, I think what I have been trying to compensate for is courage and confidence. I was a terribly shy child that had no self confidence and was easily frightened. I would always put myself down when other wronged me and would think it was my fault that I was wronged. Today, I am able to justify to myself murderous intent I feel for random drunks and homeless people. But of course, you would not understand, and I guess that is precisely the point, that no one else but myself could ever agree to my self-rationalizations of my anger. And again, that is why I find classical music so beautiful. It understands me. Listen to Requiem – Lacrimosa by Mozart, and that is how I see myself. I try not to though.