2013.

2013 This is it. It is the year that will determine whether my dreams will transpire or expire. All previous talks of glory and success, bullshit, should I fail to execute. A year that will determine the many and the few. The world waits patiently. Eager to cheer in my failure. We are surrounded by poisonous celebrations of mediocrity - a convincing distraction. I wish not to live a life, justifying the pettiness of mediocrity. An insect's life. Friends, family and relationships - all secondary to my cause. There is only one objective. One motive. One reason to live. One reason to breathe. Success. I need to focus. I need be brave. Cease all paralysing distractions. I must remember why I am. Sever all those who bind me, ignore all those who blind me. There is nothing more to life, than success. To make each second count. 2013. Breathe success. See Success. Think Success. Dream success. Be. Success. 2013. Mottherfucking show time.

hack.hack.hack

im sorry. im not.im sorry. im not. I cry. I laugh. cry. laugh. I continue to hack at my friend. cold body - lifeless for hours. i purposely remember our memories. the fondest of times. as my regret rises. i slash down in unity. i need feel comradery. the exact moment i hack. its all part of the process. i need be cleansed. i need medicate my illness. the troubling inclinations i call emotions. i.i.i.i.i it is all about i. me. myself.and.i...i.i.i. all about i. feeling exhausted. biskit my dog at my side. he knows im in pain. he sits by my side. he lays his head on my lap. i smile - hacking his brown head away. hack. hack hack. .... hack....hack...hack... i cry more. i sob more. i scream more. i laugh more. hack.hack.hack... i hack at its tail. i remember the day i picked him... i hack at his torso. i remember the day he ate my lunch. i hack at his paws.

.till that day i crawl

Heavy. It feels so heavy. I feel weak. I feel empty. It is all part of the process. Emotions – a ravishing disease of the mind. I work hard to quash miniscule remnants that remain. I practice detachment. Look down at my hands. Veins. Fingernails. Small hairs. Wrinkles. Creases. I look at my chest. My legs. A temporary vessel. Till I’m set free. Till I may one day rest in peace. Till my thoughts plague me no more. Till emptiness complete. Till my existence vanish. Till my worries subside. But for now. I need be hasty. They will know I have been here. They are forgetful. The onus lies with me. Their judgements are but splinters in my soul. Petty. But admittedly. Bothersome I see bulldozed bodies. I see piles of organs. Broken skulls. Rotting flesh. He has gone before me. The fall of a hero. The rise of the prodigy. He has warned them too much. I bank on their forgetfulness. The essence of the holocaust – fading magnificence. I need move with haste. I need sever those bonded. I need see them look. The face of my vessel before their demise. To see life leave slow. To struggles subside. I gaze upon the blood… that ran through him. On my hands. Dripping on to my leg. The vessel that carried oxygen for his function. I release little residue of my disease. Through my eye it comes. I see it mix with his blood. I shall be complete. I need silence to enjoy A mountain of flesh. Til that day, I crawl

FUCKING BITCH

“Yes… my place is brilliant” I say cheekily. She doesn’t respond and examine my house. The perfectly arranged furniture. The leather sofas. My brilliant collection of cognac. “Take a seat, I’ll make you something quick!” I smile cheerfully. She takes a seat, picking up a glass ball from my coffee table. I stop and look at her for a second. Big eyes. Too wide apart. Big head. Flat nose. No cheekbones. Round jaw. Small body. Wide Face. Big forehead. Big mouth. Fucking bitch. I’m going to fucking enjoy this. I am fucking going to fucking enjoy this. “are you comfortable?” I ask not looking up. “yea… I guess so” she responds – distractedly as she looks around the house. I open my drawer and pull out the things I had prepared earlier. I carry the box to the sofa and place it behind the sofa as she examines a magazine in front of her. I hurry to the stereo and turn on “Silent night”. The sound of Vienna boys slowly fill the house. “haha what the hell? Isn’t this a Christmas song?” she laughs. I stand behind her. I pull out my towel with a voice recorder inside. I turn the voice recorder on and I quickly gag her fucking head. I quickly tie the knot. She tries to struggle. I take a full swing and hit her straight in her face, knocking her over. She is now on the ground, half trying to take the gag off, half touching her face where I had striked her. I quickly run around the sofa and get on top of her. I strike her multiple times in the face before I pull out my plastic restrainer, and bind her by her legs and arms. I drag her by her hair in to my kitchen. The ground is tiled. I use her hair and tie a knot to my drawers. I take a few steps back and do a run up and kick her in the face. She continues to sob and scream. I begin the sanctification. I pull out my pliers and start pulling out her toenails, starting with her right foot and her biggest toe. She tries to kick me but I stab her in the eye with my pliers. I manage to pull one out. It was a lot harder than I expected. I give up on her second toe and pull out my power drill. I start drilling in to the joint connecting her toe to her foot. One by one, I drill a hole inside every toe she has. Occasionally kicking her in the nose when she struggles too much. Once I am done with her toes, I slowly put my mouth near her left ear and scream “YOU FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING BITCH, I AM GOING TOI FUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKING BITCH, YOU FUCKING BITCH, I AM GOING TO FUCKING FUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUCKING USELESS FUCKING BITCH I AM GOING TO FUCKING SKIN YOUR WHOLE FUCKING BODY!!!!!!!!” I quickly bite her left ear and rip it off. I open the drawer next to her and reach for my large scalpel. I start skinning her legs. She constantly kicks. I tie a little knot around the plastic restrainer around her feet and hammer the piece of cloth on to the tiles so she cannot move. I also pull out my nail gun and shoot her legs a few times so that it may stick her leg to the tiles. I knew it wouldn’t work but I do it anyway. By this time, she begins to pass out. As I continue to skin her, she wakes up and passes out multiple times. I am able to get a big piece of skin from her left calves and I yank it off. Chewing on the piece of skin I had yanked off, I continue this until both her legs are quite thoroughly skinned. I pull her panties off. I start shoving knives after knives in to her vagina. I manage to fit around 6 before I just start stabbing in that general direction. I then get my saw. I put my left hand on her belly and start sawing at her breasts. She manages to scream loud, despite being gagged. I soldier on. Everything isn’t going as smooth as I had planned it. After sawing a chunk of her breasts off, I take a look at it. Looks rather weird. I look down at her and feel a little disappointed that it doesn’t look as I had imagined it. Nevertheless, I continue. I reach down to her stomach again and I start sawing her body in half. It is a lot of work but I manage until I hit her spine. I fit my saw on the groove of her spine and manage to cut through the cartilage. I realize at this point that she was long dead. Her intestines begin to fall out. I yank one of her long intestines out. I reach for my chopping board and my butchers knife and start cutting it in to little pieces. I use the butcher knife to chop her up a few times. I slash her face a few times as well. I reach for my scalpel and start skinning her face. It is proving more difficult than her legs but I manage to rip a large part off. I then notice smaller intestines and I start pulling down my pants. I start fucking the intestine and realize it is quite well lubricated. I ejaculate inside and collapse on the ground, feeling exhausted. I lie down for awhile as I play with her eyeball that I gouged out until I get up again. I stick my head inside her now, somewhat hollow body. I try to sleep. I cant. I start coughing as some of the blood had gotten inside my mouth and throat. I get out. I use my saw and eventually rip her skin off from her torso, exposing her ribs. I get two spoons and start clanging at it as if it was a xylophone. I then run to get my phone and place it in my kitchen and start recording so I could be captured clanging on her ribs. I stop after I clang the main song of Rugrats and throw my spoon in the sink for washing. I lie down again. With her eye ball in my mouth. I bite hard at it and feel it explode inside my mouth. I try to swallow but the taste is too odd. I spit it out. Then I have a great idea. I run to my bathroom and get the container with my urine in it. I had peed over 20 times in it and have filled it up quite well. I pour it over the remains and her ribs. I feel recharged again and wrap a piece of skin from her legs around my penis and start to masturbate with it. I ejaculate all over my stomach. I remain lying down for a few minutes until the cum hardens. I get up, and go to my sofa and watch tv for a few minutes. I watch a rerun of Cops. With a sudden jolt of excitement, I run back to the kitchen. I get my hammer and start smashing her ribs in to pieces. I smash her skull in to pieces. I place one of the crushed blood soaked bones in my mouth and play with it with my tongue. After playing around with her remains for a few more hours, I collect it all in a basket. I mop up the blood and squeeze it in to the basket also. I go to my bathroom, turn on the water and create a bath. I pour the remains in to the warm bath and I get in. I then feel myself drifting slowly to sleep.

The pursuit of happiness

I am finding it difficult to be happy… I’m trying really hard to squeeze as much serotonin out of my brain but I keep failing. My pursuit of happiness has led me to create a few assumptions. That if I may be rich and powerful, I may take advantage of certain situations that might squeeze out some extra serotonin. Sometimes talking to friends and laughing seems to release it quite a fair bit. My family hasn’t helped in producing any serotonin so I might give that up pretty soon. I also remember religion helping in that. It is a great source of serotonin. I might try to give that another go. But it’s pretty hard. Religion is a double edged sword. It leaves you open to a lot of hurts that may prohibit any further release from serotonin. I think illusion of friendship is something I need to look into. I think it is due to evolution that when we feel strong bonds to our friends, it emulates notions of teamwork and cooperation which may have been quite useful in the ancient times. We are programmed to release serotonin when we feel close to other human beings. Love is an interesting concept. It fluctuates lots. It’s high risk, high return. I’m quite risk adverse so I might give this a miss. I sometimes feel really empowered to do great things and really help people. Lots of serotonin. Might give it a go when im rich. But fuck me. Realizing that happiness is just that – is making it pretty hard to release serotonin. Maybe I’ll try to forget it. When I see people – living so comfortably – releasing so much serotonin… as they talk to one another. I do feel quite jealous. I can see two of my friends talking and I can only watch enviously their brains,,, releasing shit loads of serotonin. It would be fucking sick if they invented serotonin pills.

I genuinely wonder at times what some of these fucking insects live for. I wonder if their thoughts extend beyond today and how they see themselves in the not so distant future. When a human being has so little going for them, upon what promise and hope do they continue to exist? Im sure that it is objectively certain that that some of these fucking filthy and unimportant pieces of shits have absolutely nothing going for them. Mediocrity at best. For what fucking reason I wonder they continue their lives? What is the point of driving a normal car. What is the point of residing in an average house. What is the point of living life when they are so ugly? What are they looking for? I am genuinely curious as it makes no sense to me. When they wake up each morning… what are their thoughts? How do they justify their next day of living? Of so little value… how do they smile? How do they forget their reality? Why are they alive? There is NO POINT in their existence. Shouldn’t that be enough for them to stop living? I don’t like it when I don’t understand things… and I don’t understand this. So I hope…. That, if you may be that person. Another piece of shit with nothing going for you… no promise.. nothing but bullshit dreams from your bullshit life and your bullshit brain,,, just stop and think about it. There’s no fucking point? Why do u deserve to eat? Ur body is gona covert that in to energy and then what.. it provides energy to continue ur bullshit life? Why do you deserve to sleep, enjoy good weather and smile? You are a piece of shit… start questioning what your life means,, then maybe, you may just realize,, u should actually just go kill yourself? Like. This is. About you. Not about someone else, it is about you. Look down at ur hands.. ur veins.. really examine it. examine your body. you. your body. achieves nothing. u are so low. just fucking kill yourself. your immune system,, taste buds, fingernails,, digestive tract, all of it.. such a fucking waste on you yea? fucknig enough is enough. just fuking be considerate and kill urself

Ke7in

Comradery, a challenging notion. Comradery often demands a unification of emotions. A difficult prerequisite for the unfeeling. But I have come to beg the question, could the prerequisite element of unity exist, for the unity of a lack of emotions? A proper introduction to the abstract and ambiguous perceptions, ideas and concepts of who Me, Myself or I may be, requires the appreciation of Ke7in. Ke7in is not a person. He is an idea. The embodiment of sinful desires. The summation of Vanity, Narcissism and Energy. In the way that Ke7in has existed since childhood, aspects of my persona mirror the birth of such desires and ideals that Ke7in represents. When you gaze in to the eyes of Ke7in, you see so much at first. The over-abundance of energy, emotions, dreams and aspirations. However, a careful considerations of its actions give rise to a different understanding of what Ke7in is truly about. Evil is only obvious in retrospect. Behind all the energy, dreams and aspirations you unknowingly accept to be true, lies much darker values. Darker than dark. You may wonder what could something possibly be described to be darker than dark? Absence. Black holes are understood to be darker than black. It is only possible as the gravitational forces of a Black hole does not let even light escape. A vortex of emptiness. That is Ke7in. A hollow cover, completely void of emotions. Perhaps it is this very nature of Ke7in, that I appreciate so much. If one is unfeeling, then what promise is there of comradery? To Me,Myself and I, there is hope. There is promise of unity in understanding. An understanding between two unfeeling beings of what it means to feel nothing. The economic gains that are exploitable in the world in the market of the emotional. Logic overshadowed by uncontrolled bouts of sorrow. Arbitrage opportunities. It is this unity in understanding that sets Ke7in apart from so many out there. Though one may argue the importance of but one unity, to me, it is infinitely more than the unity I share with the living chunks of flesh that wonder around this meaningless world. That is why I will miss Ke7in. A Comrade. This is why I will keep in touch with Ke7in. My Only Comrade. However. This is why, One day, I will need to Kill Ke7in. Why? Importance is attributed to scarcity. I want to become scarce.